Below is a short monologue about a character called Daniel. Daniel is 16 and talking about his recently-acquired superpower.
You know what really annoys me… People talking about what shitting superpowers they would have. So and so might say ‘I’d wanna have the ability to fly’ or ‘I think I would love to able to become invisible’. Well enjoy your dreaming idiot, because all I can tell ya is that the reality ain’t quite what you think it to be.
I was playing at a reservoir when I was about 16. Me and a few of the lads was there. There was this sort of beach there where we would chill. Tom would bring one of his speakers so we could listen to some music. It was great. Anyways, after a couple of beers we were starting to dare each other to do stupid shit. Eventually I was dared to dive into the reservoir… There were so many warning signs but a dare is a dare I suppose. I wish I fucking hadn’t…
I wake up three days later in the hospital, struggling to see where I was. My eyesight felt, different. Then this fit nurse walks in, and I had one of the strangest but best moments of my life. When she walked in she was stark bollocks naked! I literally shouted ‘mate you do realise you have your babylon’s hanging out!?’ She just responded by saying I was on a high dose of painkillers and was probably seeing things.
And that is when I discovered my ‘superpower’. I have kind of X-ray vision. I can’t see bones and shit, but I can see underneath what people are wearing. I see everyone naked basically. Now all you lads out there are thinking: ‘fuck me Daniel, you’re the luckiest shit in this world’. Bullshit. I think I am the unluckiest person in the world. If you think about it this way, when you are walking down the street how many fit girls are there actually about? One in 17 I say. The rest are not what you want to see naked, or even worse, are men! Now I used to be proud of my assistant, my legend, my mini-Daniel. But having seen literally thousands of others now, I am not quite so confident about what I am packing.
I haven’t even got to the worst of it yet. Okay so out in the streets I can see a few fit birds here and there. Great. But as a 16 year-old lad you spend most of your time at home. If most kids accidentally see their Dad naked, it fucking scars them for life. I have that. Every. Shitting. Single. Day. I know my Dad’s cock more well than I know mine by now! That is something you should never see even once! And my Mum. And my sister. I can’t look at them without going red. I can’t have a conversation with my own family without seeing everything. They all think it is the brain damage, from when I hit my head in the reservoir, but I can see right through you.